(Since Hey Arnold has some cool story lines, I've mixed two together to make a South Park episode. Enjoy. Pleeeeaaaaassssssssse!!!!!)

[Warning;Theme]

[2003. The group is now 13.]

[South Park Elementary School Exterior.]

CARTMAN (from within): MOVE YOUR ASS BUCKO!

[Zoom inside, Cartman, wearing a police man uniform is parading the halls.]

KYLE: Damn, I was never so glad for a month to be up.

STAN: Yeah, dude, I never thought Kenny'd choose Cartman to be hall monitor.

KENNY: {Hey, he said if I didn't he'd kick me in the nuts! I had to!}

KYLE: Well, at least he's giving up today and choosing the next one.

STAN: I hope it's someone good. Anybody would be better then Cartman.

CARTMAN: NO STANDING IN THE HALLS, DUDES!

[Kyle, Stan and Kenny keep on walking.]

[MEETING HALL. Cartman is on the stage with Principal Victoria with everyone of the school taking up the whole place.]

VICTORIA: And so, with Eric's last month of his position of hall monitor, never have I seen the halls so clean.

BEBE: (whispering to Clyde) Yeah, he made us pick up the rubbish.

[Clyde giggles.]

VICTORIA: And so, Eric, who have you chosen to be monitor now?

CARTMAN: Well Principal Victoria, I was hoping to stay monitor for the rest of the school term.

[Gasp from crowd.]

CARTMAN (to crowd): Grrrrr!!

VICTORIA: I'm sorry Eric. But you must choose someone new.

[Cartman stares amongst the crowd.]

CARTMAN: Let me seeeeee......

[Silence and we hear a cricket chirp.]

CARTMAN: Wendy Testaburger.

STAN: Wendy?

BEBE: Wendy?

WENDY: Me?

VICTORIA: Come on up here Wendy dear.

[Wendy walks up on stage.]

WENDY: But, Cartman....

[Principal Victoria puts the sash on Wendy, and the whole hall cheers.]

[NEXT DAY. Wendy runs up after Cartman.]

WENDY: Cartman, I'm grateful of your offer and belief in me, but I don't think that I'm ready to be hall monitor!

CARTMAN: That's your problem Wendy. No guts, No glory! You gotta stand up for yourself!

WENDY: But I don't think I'm cut out for this line of work!

[They pass a class, and as they do, a bunch of kids tear out, pushing Wendy down.]

WENDY: Ow! Ow! Excuse me....oh sorry.

[Cartman is now down the hall.]

CARTMAN: You just can't let people stand on you your whole life! What will this do to your future? It might get in the way of you being president! Wendy, are you listening to me?

[He turns and sees Wendy on the ground, all messed up.]

WENDY: A first grader stepped on my hat, while I was still wearing it. You're right, Cartman. For once, you're right!

CARTMAN: I am?

WENDY: Yes. I'm tired of being the timid, A+ student. I'm going to be a great hall monitor!

CARTMAN: You go girl! Need help?

WENDY: Thanks.

[A COUPLE OF DAYS LATER. Bus stop. Kyle's reading a black book. Stan and Kenny comes up to him.]

STAN: Hey, Kyle.

KYLE: Mmmm....

STAN: Kyle?

KYLE: What?

[Stan looks at Kyle's book.]

STAN: What's that?

KYLE: I'm having my Bar Mitzvah soon.

KENNY: {A what?}

KYLE: A Bar Mitzvah. That means a man of responsibility. As soon as I turn 13 I'm supposed to have a Bar Mitzvah and become a man.

STAN: Cool.

KYLE: No, it's not cool! Any of you try to read this?

[Stan looks at the book.]

STAN: Looks like scribbles to me.

KYLE: It's not. It's ancient Hebrew. I'm supposed to read this out loud, in front of my whole family from a parchment! And I'm not supposed to screw up!

KENNY: {Wow, that sucks dude.}

STAN: Hey, where's Cartman?

[Tina comes up.]

TINA: Puh, he's helping little miss hall monitor.

STAN: Wendy?

TINA: Oh, is that her name?

[Pause.]

KYLE: What's the matter with you?

TINA: He's been spending more time with *Wendy* than with me!

STAN: Hey, yeah! Wendy's been spending time with Cartman too!

TINA: He *claims* to be *helping* her to come out of her shell.

KYLE: Huh?

TINA: She's a wimpy little pussy and he's helping her to become strong.

KYLE: Ahhh.

[SCHOOL.]

CARTMAN: Ok, Wendy. Now, I'm gonna run down the hall and you stop me. See if the practice is helping.

[Cartman starts to run up and down the hall.]

CARTMAN: Weee!! Look at me Wendy! I'm running! I'm breaking the rules!

WENDY: Excuse me-

CARTMAN: I can't hear you! You're gonna have to say it louder then that!

WENDY: YOU HALT!

[Cartman stops.]

CARTMAN: Now THAT is what I'm looking for.

WENDY: Yeah, that's what I'm looking for, too.

[We see her point of view, she's checking out Cartman. We notice that's Cartman is now loosing weight and got muscles showing under his shirt.]

CARTMAN: Wendy, I'm up here.

WENDY: Oh. Sorry.

[NEXT DAY. Wendy is now a better hall monitor than ever, but worse then Cartman was! She's made the hall like a road, with arrows and stop signs, the whole lot. The gang is at the lunch line.]

STAN: Damn. I never thought Wendy would be like this.

KENNY: {Yeah, I got so many detentions! Look,}

[He holds out at least five tickets.]

KENNY: {Running, jay walking, swearing, slow walking and loud shoes. I don't believe it!}

[He throws his paper to the floor. Wendy comes up and gives him another.]

KENNY: {What the hell is this for?!}

WENDY: Littering.

KENNY: {Damn.}

[Cartman comes out of nowhere and steps into the line in front of Kenny.]

KENNY: {Hey! No cuts!}

CARTMAN: Sorry, Kenny. Special privilege. I got my eye on that pudding.

WENDY: Cartman, no cuts.

CARTMAN: What? Who made you the way you are?

WENDY: You. But you taught me not to let people stand up and walk all over me. And that includes you Mr. Hot Buns-uh, Cartman!

[Silence, everyone heard what Wendy just called Cartman. Wendy writes out a ticket and gives it to him.]

WENDY: See you in Detention Cartman.

CARTMAN: Wendy! Babe! When I said no one is to stand up and walk all over you, I didn't mean me! WENDY! WENDY!

[Wendy walks away.]

KYLE: Dude, I think Wendy's getting to like Cartman.

BEBE: Hey, what's not to like? Look at him now!

[They all look at him.]

KENNY: {Damn! He's starting to look like one of those Chippendales!}

STAN: Who? Those dumb little squirrels?

KENNY: {No! The dancers! Strippers for women!}

BEBE: Woowee! I wouldn't mind getting a piece of his ass!

CLYDE: Bebe!

STAN: How's your Bar Mitzvah coming Kyle?

KYLE: Terrible. I don't think I'm ready for this.

KENNY: {Dude, you get to be a man! A pure breed man!}

KYLE: Yeah, but the responsibilities come too.

KENNY: {Oh, yeah.}

STAN: I gotta go talk to Wendy.

[Stan goes off.]

[HALL. Stan walks up to Wendy.]

WENDY: HEY! GET BACK IN LINE THERE MISTER!!

STAN: Wendy?

WENDY: WHAT? Oh, hi Stan.

STAN: Listen, Wendy, I gotta talk to you.

WENDY: Oh? What about?

[They're now walking down the hall.]

STAN: About you and Cartman.

[Wendy stops.]

WENDY: What about me and Cartman?

STAN: You two seem to be spending more and more time together as a pair now a days.

WENDY: Stan, he helped me become the new me!

STAN: But you called him Mr. Hot Buns! Now how do you explain that?!

WENDY: Stan, we're all changing now. I'm just starting to get feelings and thoughts about others...

[Bebe walks past.]

BEBE: In other words, she wants to have hot steamy sex with Cartman.

WENDY: I DO NOT! Well......maybe....

STAN: WENDY! The last time I had a crush on someone! You had her shot into the center of the sun! Now don't tell me you can be that powerful, and I can't! I'm gonna go talk to Cartman and tell him to stop hanging around you anymore! Or else!

WENDY: (smugly) Or else what?

STAN: Then you can find yourself a new boyfriend!

[Wendy gasps, Stan leaves.]

[KYLE'S HOUSE. Kyle's in his room and Ike, now at least seven comes in.]

IKE: Hey, Kyle. What ya doing?

KYLE: Studying. What's it look like?

IKE: Your Bar Mitzvah again?

KYLE: Yeah. I don't think I can handle it.

IKE: Well, you're gonna have to. It's in two weeks. How's your lessons anyway?

KYLE: Rabbi Zucermonski doesn't give me a chance. He always goes over the three basic elements. Charity, Prayer and....and....

IKE: Richesness.

KYLE: Yeah, that one. Hey, how do you-

IKE: I've been listening to you.

KYLE: Thanks, Ike.

[CARTMAN'S HOUSE. Phone rings. Cartman answers.]

CARTMAN: Speak to me.

STAN: Cartman?

[Screen splits in two and we can see both of them.]

CARTMAN: What?

STAN: Listen Cartman, you better stop hanging around Wendy all the time.

CARTMAN: What?

STAN: I know she's starting to feel feelings for you, so stop hanging around her and letting off your stupid sexual pheromones!

CARTMAN: My what?

STAN: Duh! I mean the chemical substances that are produced by us which serve to stimulate a behavioral response in other individuals of the same species.

CARTMAN: (after a long pause) 'Kay.

STAN: Just quit hanging around her or I'll beat you so silly your grandkids will feel it!

[Stan slams the phone down.]

CARTMAN: Puh. Weakling.

[SCHOOL.]

KYLE: Oh man, my stupid Bar Mitzvah's coming closer and closer! Look.

[He holds out a white yamaca.]

KYLE: Ma expects me to wear this too!

KENNY: {Hey cool.}

KYLE: *sigh* You don't know how lucky you are Kenny. You don't have to do this sort of thing.

KENNY: {My dad says when I turn 13 and a half, he's gonna see if I can manage to pick the lock of the local pub, if I can, then I'm a man to him.}

[Silence.]

KYLE: Yeah, but that's not the same.

KENNY: {Oh yeah.}

[Stan comes up.]

KYLE: Hey, Stan, Cartman told me what you told him. Good going, dude. He's shitting bricks.

STAN: He is?

KYLE: No. I just wanted to say that. He's pissed as anything. Now I know how he fits into his star sign so good. He's as pissed as that bull I hit in the nuts.

STAN: Uh-oh. But he should never had hung around with Wendy in the first place.

[Tina comes running up.]

TINA: You guys! You guys!

KENNY: {What?}

TINA: I'm loosing weight!

[Silence.]

KYLE: No!

TINA: I am! Look!

[Her pants are now amazingly looser.]

KENNY: {Whoa! Talk about changes! First Cartman, now you. What next? Stan growing muscles?!}

[They both laugh.]

STAN: Hey! I'm right here!

KENNY: {Sorry.}

TINA: So, Kyle, how's your Bar Mitzvah coming?

KYLE: Sooner. I hate it! I don't want to be a grown up!

TINA: Kyle, you have to do it sooner or later. Anyway, you get presents.

KYLE: I know. But I then I get responsibilities. I don't want them.

TINA: Duh, Kyle. That's what being a grown up's all about!

KYLE: Oh, yeah.

[Cartman walks up.]

CARTMAN: Hey, Stan.

STAN: Hey, Cartman.

[Both of them stare at each other for a long time.]

TINA: Do I sense hatred here?

[Kenny whispers into her ear, telling her what's happening. Tina's eyes go big.]

TINA: SHE CALLED CARTMAN MR. HOT BUNS?! THAT BITCH!

[Tina storms off.]

CARTMAN: Ha! Looks like your little girlfriend's about to have her butt kicked!

STAN: But if she's just like she says she is, then Tina's ass is gonna get kicked too!

[Cartman gasps. Cartman heads off after Tina.]

KYLE: You think?

KENNY: {Let's go watch!}

[YARD.]

TINA: Move in on my man, will you?

WENDY: Oh, stop being so man like Tina!

[Tina charges at Wendy and both start to bash each other up. Wendy's pulling on Tina's hair, while Tina is biting Wendy's arm.]

KENNY: {GO! GO! GO!}

KYLE: Whoa, dude! I never thought I'd see those two fight!

STAN: WENDY!

CARTMAN: TINA!

[Chef comes up.]

CHEF: Whoa! You two, knock it off now!

[He manages to tear the two girls apart.]

CHEF: Now what's going on here?

[Tina has some blood coming form her mouth.]

TINA: SHE was going for my man!

WENDY: And SHE'S being a total bitch!

TINA: THAT DOES IT!

[Tina rips out of Chef's hold and tackles Wendy again.]

[AFTER SCHOOL. Detention. Wendy and Tina are sitting there.]

TINA: I just never thought I'd see you change so much Wendy.

WENDY: Well, get used to it, Tina. The old Wendy's gone, and that's final.

TINA: But look, Wendy, half of our class is here! Even Phillip!

PIP: 'Allo.

TINA: What did he do?

WENDY: Drink too long from the fountain.

TINA: You see? You've changed into a attention getting machine! You're pushing people around just to get attention!

WENDY: I do?

[Tina gets her bag and takes out a mirror.]

TINA: Look and tell me what you see.

[Wendy looks in, but instead of seeing herself, she sees the old eight year old Cartman, wearing her clothes and long black hair and a different hat.]

WENDY: AAIIIII!!!

TINA: Now come on, it's not that bad.

WENDY: Oh, it is! It is! I'm just not me anymore! I've changed into the old Cartman!

PIP: Oh, no!

WENDY: You're right Tina. I have to stop now. I don't need my hall monitor suit to gain respect. I don't need any of it. You guys, the old Wendy is back!

ALL: YAY!

[AT LEAST TWO WEEKS LATER. KYLE'S HOUSE. Kyle's standing in front of his mirror. He hasn't got his old hat on, he's got his white yamaca. He's also got a smart suit on. Gerald and Sheila are admiring him.]

SHEILA: Oh, you're so handsome, Kyle!

KYLE: Mmmm.

GERALD: Make us proud, son. See you at the Bar Mitzvah.

[They both walk off. Kyle hears a voice in his head.]

VOICE: Today is the day, Kyle. Today you will become a man.

KYLE: I gotta get out of here!

[LATER. Tina's on her way to Kyle's Bar Mitzvah, she has on a nice red dress with red high heels. Boy, her figure is taking shape now. She runs into him.]

TINA: Kyle?

[Kyle still has on his sunday best and a suitcase in hand.]

TINA: Kyle, I'm on my way to the synagogue right now to get a good seat. We'll go together!

KYLE: I'm not going to no synagogue! And I'm not going to have a Bar Mitzvah! And I'm not going to become a man!

[He walks past her, she goes after him.]

TINA: Are you scared of it?

KYLE: Kind of.

[Kyle sits at the bus stop.]

TINA: Are you telling me that the Rabbi didn't teach you anything?

[Kyle's quiet. Then we hear a lady's voice.]

LADY: Alex! Alex! Where are you?

[She comes up to them.]

LADY: Excuse me young man and lady, have you seen my boy Alex? He's about yay tall, and black hair?

KYLE: Look, I'm sorry miss, but I have bigger problems.

[The lady goes on, still calling out for Alex.]

TINA: You were never lost from your mother?

[Kyle's flashback. We see a busy mall. Kyle, at least four years old is seen the in the sea of adults, he's crying loudly.]

KYLE: MOMMY! MOMMY WHERE ARE YOU?! MOMMY!

[Flashback ends. We then see a little boy with black hair nearby, who's crying.]

ALEX: Mom? Mom where are you?!

KYLE: Are you Alex?

ALEX: Yeah?

[Kyle grabs Alex's hand and walks off.]

KYLE: Miss! Miss!

[LADY turns]

LADY: Alex!

ALEX: MUM!

[Both run to each other and hug.]

LADY: Oh, thank you, young man! Thank you!

KYLE: It's all right.

[He goes back to Tina, the bus had just left.]

KYLE: Oh, man! I missed the bus! Rats!

TINA: That was a kind thing for you to do Kyle.

KYLE: Yeah, well, I did it cause I wish someone had done the same for me when I was four. But now I gotta wait till the next bus!

[We hear a ice cream van come up.]

KYLE: Ahh, I'd get myself a ice cream anyway.

[MEANWHILE AT THE SYNAGOGUE. We see the place full with Jewish people. Also there is Wendy, Stan, Cartman, Kenny, Karen, Ike, Jess and Kyle's family.]

RABBI: People, people, please, I'm sure there is a logical reason why Kyle isn't here today. I'm sure he's.....vigilantly studying.

[Yeah right. He's having an ice cream with Tina.]

KYLE: Thanks, dude.

[Kyle sees a girl sitting by herself on the side stoop. She looks upset.]

KYLE: Hey, what's your problem?

GIRL: I can't afford one.

KYLE: One what?

[The girl points at his ice cream.]

KYLE: Oh.

[Soon we see the bus and Kyle getting on, behind him we see the little girl eating his ice cream.]

[On the bus.]

TINA: I don't think I've ever seen you give up a ice cream before Kyle.

KYLE: Yeah, well. I did feel sorry for her.

[Kyle looks forward and sees a big muscled guy sitting there. He's looking at Kyle. Kyle looks off somewhere else.]

GUY: Hey, you look pretty dorky. What's this, a beanie?

[He grabs Kyle's yamaca off of Kyle.]

KYLE: Ay!

[He grabs it back.]

KYLE: It's not a beanie, it's a yamaca. And I'm wearing this stuff and my yamaca because today is MY Bar Mitzvah! What are you? Some kind of fuck head?

GUY: You got a lot of guts talking to me like that, let's see what they look like. Say your prayers Jew boy.

[Kyle immediately clasps his hands together and starts to recite an old Hebrew prayer out loud.]

KYLE: Camo cashan imedi onypaka.

GUY: What?

KYLE: Schild flrguems mist.

GUY: Freak.

[He walks off.]

KYLE: *whew*

TINA: You know Kyle. I think you are ready for your Bar Mitzvah.

KYLE: Huh?

TINA: You did good things today. Remember Alex and his mom? Richesness. The little girl and the ice cream? Charity. You just stood up to that guy using prayer!

KYLE: Richesness, charity and prayer. Hey, you're right Tina!

[Kyle pulls on the bus string and gets off, followed by Tina, who's being checked out by the guys on the bus.]

[At the Synagogue.]

RABBI: Friends, I am sorry that Kyle Brolovski has not arrived. I'm sure he has troubles in his life other then this. I am not saying I lost faith in him, but-

[The doors swing open and Kyle walks in, slowly followed by Tina who takes her seat next to Cartman.]

KYLE: Do not loose faith, Rabbi! I am here. Today I am a man.

[Kyle walks past Sheila and Gerald with Ike. Sheila's crying to herself.]

[The after party.]

STAN: That was great, dude. Well read.

KENNY: {Even though we didn't know what the hell you were saying.}

KAREN: Yeah.

KYLE: Thanks, you guys.

WENDY: But what happened to you? You were an hour late!

KYLE: In that hour I learned that I have learned from the Rabbi. Tina helped me, too. I helped out a lost boy with his mother, I gave away a ice cream to a little girl-

CARTMAN: You gave away food?!

TINA: Calm down, Cartman.

KYLE: And stood up to a punk with prayer. I used all of my gifts. So I am a man.

[Sheila and Gerald are talking together.]

SHEILA: Look at our little boy.

GERALD: Mmm.

SHEILA: He's finally a man. No more acting like a little kid no more.

[Cartman then snatches Kyle's yamaca off his head and runs off with it.]

KYLE: Hey! Cartman! That's my yamaca!

[Kyle starts to chase Cartman.]

KYLE: MA! Cartman stole my yamaca!

[END]